Yesterday as I sat through the sermon at church, I knew that God was speaking directly to me. Although I am sure the words touched people beyond just me, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. It is amazing how He does that! So, incase someone reading my blog is in need of this same message, I would like to share my thoughts and take-aways from the sermon.
The sermon on December 1, 2013 consisted of three points. Like Mary, if we are going to be used by God, He is calling each of us to......
1. A life of COURAGE.
Our pastor quoted John Wayne, “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”. That was it, not even ten minutes in to the sermon and I was loosing it already. I am scared to DEATH of getting pregnant again and loosing another child. Two failed pregnancies and four angle babies is not a good record! How am I ever going to "Saddle up" when the fear seems crippling?!
Then, our pastor said that 365 times the Bible says, "Do not worry" or "Do not fear" or "Do not be afraid". Hmmmm, one for every day of the year?!?! Coincidence? I think NOT! He continued to explain that fear is an emotion and courage is an action.
So, lets talk about action vs. emotion. I have wrestled with anxiety for several years now, all stemming from fear. I used to be on medication for my anxiety, but when we started our path to parenthood, I was able to get off of the medicine so that my body was healthy and ready to hold a baby(s). In order to get off of the medicine, I took action. I went to a counselor who taught me different strategies of diverting my thoughts and fears. These strategies are my action plan when I feel a panic attack or just feel overwhelmed. I can definitely say that action is helping me overcome my anxiety.
So, I guess I need to take action to get over this fear. But, that is so scary!!! :) I am trying to live a life of Courage........with God's help! It's not easy, but it's time to SADDLE UP!
2. A life of FAITH.
Faith means trust or belief. I had to ask myself, if I am afraid of getting pregnant again, does this mean I do not trust God to do what's best for my husband and myself? Yikes, that hurt!!! As much as the fear creeps in to my mind and the thoughts of another devastating loss practically paralyze me, I have to have faith that God has bigger plans. I also have to tell myself that this life on Earth is short, and eternity with our babies will be forever. For some, humanly unknown, reason this is the path that God wants me on. I don't know why, but I have to have faith that there is a reason. Maybe someone reading this blog is the reason. I will admit, if I had 7 month old triplets right now, the LAST thing I would be doing is blogging!!!! And I probably would have never even considered putting my thoughts down in print. I'm also certain my thoughts would be totally different and maybe this sermon would not have made the impact that it did on me.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.
I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty big wimp when it comes to basements. I really dislike going to the basement when it is dark. Who knows what creature or insect is hiding in the pitch black waiting to pounce on me at the bottom of the stairs. Thank goodness we have a light that allows me to see the steps as I make my way to the basement or I may never go to the basement!!! I think about our basement stairs when I read the quote by Martin Luther King Jr. Although the thought of something you are going through may be scarier than heading into a dark basement when you cant really see where it leads, think about the end. I have to think about the courage it would take to make it down (or up) the entire staircase one step at a time not being able to see what is right in front of you. I believe the first step is the hardest. But, with God's help, we will take that first step and have faith that the ending to our story is just the way God wants it to be.
Mark 9:24- "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief"...... I think I often doubt myself because I think I have such little faith, but it is good to know that I can have faith and unbelief at the same time. The man in Mark said that he believed, but he also had unbelief. I guess to me this is comforting because it is part of human nature to have some unbelief. This doesn't mean that you DONT believe.
3. A life of SURRENDER.
Our pastor told us to write down two questions: (These two questions made me sob!)
- What dream do you have for your life? This one was easy and yet heartbreaking. My dream is to be a mommy (to earthly children). My dream is be woken up in the middle of the night to feed a newborn. My dream is to do endless hours of homework with my children. My dream is to help my children get ready for graduation, weddings, baby showers, etc. My dream seems easy to other people, but so hard for me.
purchased a bead, it would be a representation of something in our life. I have stuck to this
goal and my bracelet now tells a story about my goals and things that we have been through.
Several years ago, I purchased a silver clasp covered in stars. I told Brandon that I wanted this
bead to represent, "Shoot for the Stars". My dream of becoming a mommy. I still hold on to
that dream and I believe that someday it will happen!
- What fear is holding you back? This also was an easy yet heartbreaking answer. The fear that is holding me back is the fear loosing someone else I so dearly love even if I have never even met them. The fear of my body not working the way it should. The fear of failure.
Taking all three points into account, I think I have some changes to make. It is time for me to saddle up and get over my fears. It is time to take that step of faith and believe that God knows best. It is time to surrender my hopes and dreams to our Heavenly Father and let Him do what's best for us.
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